Since coming to college, I’ve found myself integrated into this aspect of Christian college culture I was not aware of — vulnerability hours. I coined this term a few months ago, this tradition of waiting til late night with friends to share deep thoughts. Often we discuss the theology behind difficult topics, such as the LGBTQ faith or hell. Other times we share our childhoods, joys and trauma.
I don’t know why we choose to wait til 11pm or later, but it’s a different environment at night…it feels more open, more safe. I am already an open person, but when it comes to vulnerability hours, I face more than just the stories of me and my friends. I have to face myself. We have to face the shit that life has given us and our response to it.
The first vulnerability hours I remember took place at 2am in the Rose Garden at Fox. I don’t remember much from that night. Two years later, I only spend time with one of the people present.
The most significant vulnerability hours I remember involved two friends who always presented as happy open up about their family trauma. That night I saw a different side of them, a side that has affected how I see them moving forward.
I think the reason vulnerability hours are so popular at George Fox is because of the lack of party scene. Obviously there are non-GFA things that occur, but the majority of campus is alcohol-free. Because of this, we do not experience drunken rants or intoxicated oversharing, yet we crave that space of no boundaries, a safe place to be unashamedly ourselves. With the mask of alcohol, we have an excuse we can use in the mornings — “oh I didn’t mean it, I was drunk.” But we don’t have that mask. If we want to be open, we have to do it ourselves.
The relationships that are most important in my life have significantly strengthened through this odd ritual. Sometimes they are planned — one of us will have a crisis and call for vulnerability hours at Shari’s at 2am — but often they naturally arise in our conversations.
One of the most meaningful vulnerability hours I’ve ever experienced occurred at a Fourth of July party. I was hosting a get-together where I was house sitting, eating hot dogs and watching The Fast and The Furious. After the majority of people left, my friend proposed we all fall in love.
We were all confused until she pulled out 36 Questions To Make You Fall In Love . She and I were very close, but we were just becoming friends with the other two guys present. That night, I think it’s safe to say I fell in love.
It’s so cliche and so stupid. But the questions she asked, the softness in their voices as they opened themselves up, the late hour, all turned into something beautiful. All three of them are some of the best friends I’ve ever had.
I think we can open ourselves up without masks. We don’t have to make excuses for our vulnerability. We can open up a space for ourselves and for others without hiding behind ourselves.
